putin or put in

I just spoke to msabbasi who had cold.

Lately I have been offered some money under the table and I'm still contemplating ifI should take it. No matter how much I brag about my innocence, love for humanity and whats bad is bad, and our parents never raised us like this, how much I hate corruption and my love for poetry and flowers...nothing in the world defy the feeling you get when you're on the edge of stepping either to the left for a second. Or at least make people believe you're one of them. I think most of it happens once you make someone believe in what is not there.

Conversation:

Mr. A: ...well...as far as the drawings are concerned everything is clear....I'll show them to my partner...andthen we'll quote for it...in the meantime....if you have something else coming in do not forget us....

Mr. T: Don't worry about it we'll prefer to give the work to the people we have worked with...(interrupts)

Mr. A:....see I'm a very straightforward man....these days it [dismantling+shifting=10500, re-installation=28500 prices to remove the cold storages from the site from Mr. Sunil a/c contractor] has become work ethics to work towards the benefit for all individuals involved....you, myself, even the guy outside with the lawn-mower...(smirky smile)

(Mr. T thinks: Impressive hollywood mafia line...come to the point Johnny boy!)

Mr. A (continues):....we can sit down and talk about it before I send in the final quotation....I'm sure we can adjust here and there...2 days ago I was in a similar situation....where I had to present a Prado to this tacky project manager...see Mr. A we have to keep eachother happy...

Mr. T: (silently ignoring) I'll call you then....if any updates...

they shake hands...
they shake hands...

...I dont know if anyone reading knows that shaking your hands actually brings you closer to the person you're shaking your hands with....it also has a religious significance....some even say it can affect your character if you're shaking your hands with a holy man or vice versa...

...sometimes I think every man is holy...or wholly or partially holy nonetheless...

....I dont know why I called this putin or put in...but anyway I'll take leave turning pale...'til another few months...

m.

filipino monkey

...a filipino dad is sitting on my left chatting with his family back home...like a lot of other dads with different colors and textured faces... as I scrolled down my yahoo mail screen I noticed his 7yr old daughter on the webcam making a face and holding it for dad with her tongue sticking out and eyes turned inside... hanging on her mom's neck as if she were a tree... It just caught my attention for a second... and I smiled...

I might be shifting to a new city shortly...

...what surprised me further was the dear daddy trying to make a face and holding it for his kid... now you can imagine with his looks he must not be short of 50... he doesnt need to make a face but suddenly as he does it I can feel his pleasure-in-the-act inside me... for some reason I can sense how it feels... for some reason I've been thinking about kids lately :

... and I wanna be a monkey...

c.hang.e

...quit your job and quit smoking
lower abdominal pain king
consistence and persistence scene drama
mom and sara visit and leave
girl beautiful girl cinema
naveed visited beach and left
advises on life and other matters
sketches rendering solid 3
dad not well and phone calls
babu saneem vish n paul
girl beautiful girl and the creek
passport visa ticket back home
missed dad missed family
love n good food
last night doc machine xray
friends re-union n weddings
girl beautiful girl and a pug
mom mom mama mama
noba sara nathu abba
bari nani khala mamoo
old cars old streets
same traffic same people
more costs more numbers more n more
know the news and know the score
a new beginning when I go back
waits for me with other lives
across the bank and across the rank
hallucinations of her unseen
and of another sounding unkeen
but
change is good
change is good anyway
girl beautiful girl just wait
and God is great and God is great...

p.s. short break!

happy birthday

happy birthday to mariam sohail abbasi

a close friend of mine... an ally... like bush to mush...*
she's a wonderful-wonderful person**

a sculptor an average one... or maybe I haven't seen her work as much... that shows how close we were in school... but I like her prints... all of them including the finger-prints...
a good thinking artist...

she was online right now on MSN but she got busy I think without saying a BRB
she's was born in ISL came to KHI to inspire and be inspired
she's now in LHR busy teaching in BNU
and she's back on the MSN saying she has a bad flu...

I'll quote unquote:

north west elevation says:
have the flu reallly really bad

I distinctly remember the times we've been together... in school when I was graduating (finally)... at the farewell... at her 25th birthday at chacha's place (in khi)... also a couple of times that I visited Islamabad at her brother's wedding... and once afterwards (on a business trip)

I miss talking to people like her now... and share thoughts/ideas/life... these days we only type and edit and type more to communicate... to even the closest friends... being away is tough... and when you get back home everything has changed... like now she's going to be in khi in March and I can only travel in late June I think...

... and she's beautiful I must add... when I think of her I think of bright colors... she even looks good in black... a very few women have left such remarkable scribblings on my memory as she has...

... I hope she gets what she wants out of life... as life usually happens around her...

happy birthday once again!

love... m.


*who'll be ahmednijad? I wonder (he's my hero these days: a blog on him very soon)
**refer to the song Black's 'Wonderful life' for how the 'wonderful' is used in the paricular sentence

IP67.50W.250V

red light fading
is so much better than
yellow light fading

there's also a light that is
unnecessary

every fading light is ageing better

what has been fading should not fade
what indicates cannot be a red light

like white light is no light

and green are veins
chlorophyll or color fill
cars passing by
without noticing

making red and yellow lines

but yellow is so temporary
its not even a color for max 3 mins
red is

what stops is red
what directs is yellow

directions are permanent?
no
destinations are permanent?
red!

and then there's a blue light...

(next time blue light IP57.30W.250V)

positively lost

...if readers have lived in the nineties... they know this title already... in the past few weeks events and circles around me have formed into a henry moore sculpture... every angle has a new meaning and every view has a different story to tell... all the better stories remain untold... all the better eyes remain closed... are all things unseen beautiful?... as what we have never tends to satisfy us... hence i took a walk...

...i took this walk by the creek the other night... to explore what the night had to offer... there were hints within the starry sky... some stray clouds were hanging by the half moon... with ferries and crowds and the wind all cold... with shiny cars zooming in the background road... making lines of vibrant colors... like ribbons wrapped around... one ribbon diminishes the other appears... one angle fades and another takes life... open and close your eyes... switching places... blowing oxygen into the new pair of lungs everytime... in and out... i held a couple of chilled railings in the process to look beyond the spectrum... to find the contrasting silence to the humming engines and of the ferries... bodies were deformed with four legs, white-skins and covered faces... walking in all directions except towards the sky... and then there was water... with endless waves controlled and shimmering lights of the deep buildings across the creek... celebrating the death of man... with brands too much like the morning facewash... or a scratch from the dust that remains unrealized... and the dust falls with a sigh... this sequence of my walking up and down... waking up from and sleeping away days... the fact that there's a less meaning in everything and how everyday the reasons fade and become redundant... this loss of life hence meaning is the essence of all that is real... and living in return... even the fact that i kept silent looking at this screen for 10 seconds and didn't know what to write is a positive sign... it is positive as it hints towards a loss... and to realize this... and the amalgam of all this and all that is all good...

love to all... and vote for me... m.

certainly said

there has always been a meaning in the absolute uncertainty of matters...

the matters are not real
the matters are not real
the matters are not real

the meaning can be but the uncertainty is living... whatever lives can also be real but you cannot be absolutely sure... but absolute is again an unachievable extreme (and its meaning changed 3 times during my writing of the sentence)... meaning cannot be real either as it could mean something else to you... and you'd leave if you had your means... by every mean possible... and talking of possibilities how about if I dont want to limit possibilities... I increase my means all of a sudden by saying that... while the absolute uncertainty remains unachieved and achieved at the same time... as only that can be completely achieved, which ends...therefore absolute uncertainty is inversely propotional to life... because any form of space (time, measurement etc) or continuity (such as life) only ends individually but collectively they're continuous... even though both have conditions of continuity... it has to have forms that shape it... like flowers, butterflies, hair, man etc... absolute uncertainty can only be present through that form of continuity... and from the behavioral patterns of those continuous momentums, uncertainty is generated... the life keeps changing course, changes the patterns, changes the momentums, uncertainty grows... but growth doesn't guarantee absolution... its the loss of control that guarantees the absolute uncertainty... and the mere fact that we cannot come to a conclusion with this essay are the first potential steps taking us towards absolute uncertainty...

the rest in some other shift or phase... on some other certain space or frame...

m.

stir

some leaves that had fallen
were picked on my way
some bands were too full
to hide them away...

i tucked you aside
under the rug... and
placed this vase
as a false display
of items

and other random thoughts
of placing and other
usual: markets on shore...
with crying people
and i
by them

stood brushing
the shrub
and making the fall
into raining false ceilings
and all

came down at once
as a stir... and All too sir!
in the spur:
of the moment.