annual vacation

...So I visited the place, the city I've lived for a larger part of my life...we called it 'home'...or should I say we used to associate the place with a certain feeling of harmony...where everything comes together...binds...where my parents are...and my siblings and made siblings are...aunties...friends...dyslexic enemies...familiar looking places...where to eat the right ice-cream of a certain flavour...what is the shortcut to take you home in times of a curfew or a blast in the city...how to cope with the worst traffic with my half-dead car...where I used to dream...where all my schools are...where I notice trees I've been with for hours...trees I have photographed in a fine season for my photography class...where I prayed to God and nearly got nowhere with it...and then suddenly I got everything everybody else wanted me to have...and what I thought would just be a minor turn, a mere adjustment: could mount to such a void...a silence...the best and the worst is when you can't differentiate...you can't tell if it is really happening...or not...and then you wait for it to happen...and it doesn't and you can't tell if it has already taken place...I did not know and I still don't...but I care...and now I can't say I don't...

m